SAME THREATS, DIFFERENT REACTIONS

I couldn't resist passing on this piece by Monty Python alumni John Cleese--a brilliant modern take on national quirks and attributes.

ALERTS TO THREATS, IN 2011 EUROPE....... BY JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person.

And while I have a ways to go before I'm in Cleese's class as a satirist, this did make me wonder

what he might have said if the U.S. were included in this list. Perhaps, something like:

Recent Al Qaeda chatter has caused the United States to raise it's threat assessment level from "Go Shopping," to "Go Shopping More." Meanwhile, Republican members of Congress have introduced legislation that would give major tax credits to any millionaires who build elaborate underground terror-proof bunkers for their friends and family.

Jerry

SAME THREATS, DIFFERENT REACTIONS

I couldn't resist passing on this piece by Monty Python alumni John Cleese--a brilliant modern take on national quirks and attributes.

ALERTS TO THREATS, IN 2011 EUROPE....... BY JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A
Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
"Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have
been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that
destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's
military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get
a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is
cancelled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level.

John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person.

And while I have a ways to go before I'm in Cleese's class as a satirist, this did make me wonder

what he might have said if the U.S. were included in this list. Perhaps, something like:

Recent Al Qaeda chatter has caused the United States to raise it's threat assessment level

from "Go Shopping," to "Go Shopping More." Meanwhile, Republican members of Congress have

introduced legislation that would give major tax credits to any millionaires who build elaborate

underground terror-proof bunkers for their friends and family.

Jerry

BFF? RARELY, UNLIKELY, IMPROBABLY.

Of course, the myth is that a really good and loving and substantial friend will be a Best Friend Forever. But reality is quite a different matter. When I wrote my book on the subject of friendship and the importance of supportive interpersonal environments, FRIENDS: The Power and Potential of the Company You Keep, I used several examples of what seemed to certainly be everlasting friendships. None of them survived. This is not to say it's impossible to keep a close friend for a generation or longer, but in our increasingly changing world, filled with transient living and short term attention spans, it gets more difficult to hold onto the same values and interests that tend to glue us together.

I am still in touch with five friends from the 1970s in Miami, where I wrote that book. That seems amazing to me. Two of them are very close, even though we are separated by substantial geography. But emails, phone calls, and Skype video chats keep a sense of intimacy alive. Both are former lovers, but I'm not sure that has anything to do with the longevity of the relationships. Both were faithful correspondents during my entire twelve year term of incarceration. Since my release, several people have reached out to me in friendship and then fallen by the wayside--I suspect they thought I could do something for them that it turned out I couldn't. A couple of others seem like they are in it for the long haul. We may not be in frequent touch, but I have no doubt they would be there if I needed something they could provide, as I would be for them.

In prison, one learns to let go of friendship. There are kind, smart, supportive friends to be found and made behind those stone walls, but you never know when a friendship will suddenly end because one of the other of you will be suddenly transferred to another prison, or another yard at the same institution--and communication in that event is almost impossible. So you put yourself forward just a little bit, knowing it cannot possibly last. I've kept up with just one friend I made in prison, Keith, with whom I shared a cell for over two years. I joined he and his family for several holidays since my release.

Several of my friends going way back in the Human Potential Movement have become superstars and multi-millionaires. They're still cordial, but I wouldn't call them friends.

General speaking, I am proud and pleased at the quality of the friends I've attracted over the years, even the ones who are no longer part of my life. I think what constitutes success in the realm of friendship, isn't how long someone stays your best friend, but how organic the flow is from friendship to acquaintanceship and back again.

Time to go, I just got an email from one of my newest best friends, a lovely and successful movie actress in Europe. I'm not sure I'll ever tell the story of how we made contact, but that too is what gives some friendships their juice. As I look back, a lot of my friends came into my life in strange and wonderful ways. And the more strange and wonderful that beginning, the longer the friendship seems to have lasted. Maybe I'm onto something here. Are you open to a new friend arriving in a strange and wonderful way?

Jerry

Check out my Prosperity blog at: http://www.MoneyloveBlog.com

TEACHING PAP, RAP, AND CRAP

Everyone talks about the decline of American education, but very few innovative ideas have emerged and been implemented in recent decades. Much of what is taught today is pap--material lacking real value or substance. Sure there are some great teachers still out there, and some kids who are moved to greatness by what those teachers do. But the numbers are seriously declining. When I was a schoolchild, almost any student could name one teacher they really admired, looked up to, and learned a lot from. Today that isn't easily found.

When prison guards in California make an average of over $100,000 a year with no skills or education beyond high school, and teachers make about $60,000, the trend is clear in what our current society values. Of course, with more good teachers, the prisons would not be filled to overflowing. More Americans are in prison today, 1 in 100, than in any other country. China is a distant second with 1 in 1000 Chinese in prison.

When you listen to some of the stuff coming out of political candidates' mouths today, you can clearly see that they are less well-educated and well-read than those of a generation or two ago. Of course, they are speaking to an equally dumbed-down electorate, so perhaps it all works to their advantage.

I don't think it's going to be very easy for government, local or national, to change the status of teachers. But there was a time when it was considered a prestigious, honorable profession.

This can happen again with the help of the private sector, which would be the beneficiary of an upgrade in teachers, schools, and students. My suggestion is a merit award for teachers beyond any yet tried. If some of the billionaires who are now so committed to help cure Malaria and other diseases overseas, would put some of that same energy and capital into the U.S. education system, I think we could see dramatic changes. We could start with a series of grants to exceptional teachers, perhaps styled after the MacArthur Foundation genius grants.

The criteria would be that the person had to be selected by students as being a wonderful, inspiring influence. And referees would sit in that teacher's class for some hours to determine if this was truly a fantastic teacher. I think a $200,000 figure split between the teacher and the school would have a big impact. And not just a handful of these grants, but dozens in every state. This would be a strong incentive for truly gifted students to consider teaching as a career choice once again. Expensive? Yes, but well worth it. And it could be financed just by Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Ted Turner and perhaps a few other big and very rich givers.

Would it solve all the problems? No, not by a long shot. But it would get the conversation going, and definitely inspire some new, creative ways to make the great leap forward our entire education system needs.

Jerry

Check out my prosperity blog at: http://www.MoneyloveBlog.com

A STAR IS REBORN

As a theatre-lover, I've been privileged to see a few earth-shattering, stunning performances in my time. In 1962, at an out-of-town tryout of a Broadway-bound musical, I Can Get It For You Wholesale, I saw a nineteen year old Barbra Streisand in a minor role stop the show with her featured song, Miss Marmelstein. It is hard to believe the performance I saw last night at the Berkeley Rep was done by a woman exactly sixty years older, Rita Moreno.

It almost does her a disservice to mention she will be eighty on December 11th, because by any standards she deserved her standing ovation in the first public performance of her new one woman show,

Rita Moreno--Life Without Makeup.

She held the stage with zest and majesty for two-and-a-half hours, with the assistance of some brilliant staging and two male dancers probably one third her age. Rita calls the energetic dancing she herself does, SKD, "sorta kinda dancing." This is certainly true of many aging dancers who sorta go through the motions, but what this Puerto Rican beauty did was way beyond that, despite recent knee replacement surgery.

As I launch my own solo performance career, I am inspired and intimidated by this Oscar, Tony, Emmy, and Grammy winner's virtuoso display. Of course, it doesn't help build my confidence that I don't sing or dance, act, or have as still gorgeous legs as Rita Moreno--nor as colorful a life as this woman with 74 years in show business and still counting. She recently took on the role of Fran Drescher's mother in the new sitcom, Happily Divorced--and there's no doubt in my mind, or in the mind of any other audience member last night, that her first solo performance will eventually sellout on Broadway. Brilliantly piecing together segments from the tapestry of her life is her co-creator, the Berkeley Rep artistic director, Tony Taccone, whom she credits with talking her into the project two years ago, after she originally turned him down five years ago. He convinced her that, at 77 then, she had better get on with it.

The mark of success in any performance art is to leave the audience wanting more. Afterwards, I was Googling like crazy, trying to fill in some of the rest of the story. But I guess I'll have to wait for Rita Moreno's promised memoir. Though I admire her classiness and grace in refusing to dish very much dirt, I really would like to know exactly how she went about trying and succeeding in making Marlon Brando jealous by dating Elvis Presley. I never knew she was in a tumultuous five year relationship with Brando while still in her twenties. She eventually had a forty-five year marriage with Leonard Gordon, who died last year at the age of ninety.

The most astonishing thing about this one woman show isn't that a woman who will be eighty in three months is starring in it, but rather than for most of her commanding, adorable presence on stage, you can't even remember how long she's been around. There's a newness, a childlike sense of wonder, the energy and charisma of someone who is immensely talented and just starting out in a fantastic career that will lead to inevitable stardom. I'd be willing to bet that in the next few years, many performers half her age, seeing this show will be saying to themselves, "I wish I could walk out on a stage and do that."

And Rita Moreno also gets off some great one liners. At one point, she talks about Betty Wand, who dubbed one of her songs in West Side Story because Rita couldn't hit the lowest notes, but then went on to claim she did all of the other songs, too. With an arch of her eyebrow and ironic shrug of her still beautiful shoulders, Rita Moreno says, "May she rest in peace.." hold for a sweet pause, then, "Of course she's still alive."

Since she has already won the four top entertainment awards, they really have to invent a new one for this.

I'm not even sure I'm going to try to explain, or even could if I wanted to, my rather contradictory reaction to this amazing performance: It has made me feel older than I really am, and at the same time, a lot younger.

Jerry

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