Monday, April 25, 2011


Sunday, Funday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday...what a great sounding week we could have!
I hereby start the official campaign to have a new day. Now, I know some people have been calling Sunday "Funday", but that's just wasting the energy and desire to finally change our calendar in a 21st Century way. Everything has changed but this ancient attachment to a seven day week. And who hasn't said or felt at some time and for some time that "There are just not enough days in the week!"

All that is required is to divide the hours of the week up into eight 21 hour days. This would be in alignment with the sun, the stars, and all other mathematical factors at the foundation of our current calendar.

Being a new construct, we could give Funday some special, beneficial significance, and not just let it slide into habitual labeling, such as Saturday "date night," Sunday "day of rest," Monday as "blue Monday." Funday could be just what its name implies, a day of fun between our day or rest and the first day of the work week. We could establish some original rules at the onset. On Funday, we would all make a real effort not to do anything that wasn't fun, wasn't pleasurable, didn't make us smile or laugh.

And the unemployment problem would be solved in a snap. Think of all the work for calendar designers and printers, watch and clock makers, computer technicians. Think of a regular three day weekend, and even more to talk about around the water cooler at work, "And what did you do this Funday?"

Maybe we could get Rebecca Black to record a sequel to her viral hit, Friday, called Funday, Funday. Well, maybe not, though she has certainly has been having a lot of fun with all of us.

Whole new businesses could spring up to sell us fun services and products to use on Funday. And when we ask someone out on a date for Funday, it would be mutually understood that this was not meant to lead to a serious relationship.

Any hurtful things we do or say on Funday would be automatically excused by,
"I was just kidding--after all, it's Funday!"

I'm sure you can come up with your own creative ideas that would make this new day special. How about a rule that if you're caught frowning on Funday, you have to hug ten strangers? And you're given permission to go off your healthy tofu-based diet and have all the hot dogs, funnel cakes, cotton candy, and chocolate covered frozen bananas you want. And even in the fanciest restaurants, food fights would be permitted on Funday.

Composers and performers would have a field day creating new songs with Funday in the title, as there now are for the seven other days of the week. "A Funday kind of love." The titles would certainly be more cheerful than "Blue Monday," or "Stormy Monday." A few suggestions:
My Funday Valentine
My Funny Funday Love
I've Got Those Funday Giggles
(the opening line for this one, "I've got those Funday giggles, every time my lover wiggles. Smiling in our Snuggies, as our baby poops its Huggies.")

This whole idea has definitely lightened up my Monday. Think on it, but not too seriously, please.

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Friday, April 22, 2011


WARNING: This post rated R for content and rambunctiousness.

So let's talk about male enhancement. At least that's what the woman with the raspy, very sexy voice wanted to talk about when she called me first thing this morning. At first, because their voices are similar, I thought it was a former girlfriend of mine who often calls very late at night--and I said, "I can't believe you're calling me in the morning instead of the middle of the night." And the sexy voice said, "I'd be happy to call you in the middle of the night if you'd prefer it."
She then said she wanted to talk to me about something that would improve my life, and my size. I said I wasn't interested, in fact I was looking for something that would cut down my size as the petite women I preferred were always complaining of pain. She then said, "You're going to hang up on me now, aren't you?" I said, "Not quite yet--first I want to tell you how much I enjoy your sexy voice, and that I wish you a very sexy weekend, and now I'm going to gently and lovingly hang up on you."

But it did remind me of a realization I had quite recently, having watched a number of independent and foreign films on Netflix--many of which feature full frontal nudity of both men and women. For the most part, these men are of average, modest size. I wondered whether they were chosen for these roles because they would not intimidate men watching, or raise expectations of women watching. On the other hand, in porn, the men are so well endowed that I wonder why any man of normal proportions would want to watch them perform.

I have seen a lot of naked men--in the military, in prison showers, living in a sex commune, attending and even conducting a number of all-nude massage workshops, and attending some weekend workshops where nudity was part of the opening up experience. So I know from much observation that most men are not anywhere near the size of porn actors. It still, however, seems to be an issue for many men. Just as women are insecure about the size and shape of their breasts, men wonder if size really matters to a woman. In my experience and my opinion? Only for a small fraction of women, some of whom even join organizations devoted to women who like 'em big.

In one of my stand-up segments, I talk about receiving many emails advertising, at a discount, dozens of devices and supplements guaranteed to make a man's penis dramatically larger. And I also get many emails from various members of Nigerian royalty offering me large sums of money. In the past week, this added up to about $37 million. And here's my question for men: If you had $37 million, would you really need a bigger penis?
A further opinion: size does matter, but only the size of your bank account.

Now if only some sexy-voiced woman would call me up and offer a deal on a product devoted to laughter and joy enhancement.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


I just checked and found out Famous Johnny's Pizza Restaurant in San Bruno, CA has ended their monthly comedy night, which I performed at last month and have been writing new material to do so again next week. A bit disappointing to know that won't be happening, but as my life experience has shown me, it probably will lead to even better things. For one thing, it will accelerate my trying out at San Francisco comedy clubs.

I have no doubt that something interesting and rewarding will be happening as a result of my finally pursuing some of my longtime aspirations to perform comedy. It might be a one man show, or stand-up, or some as yet unimagined media. And there is no doubt whatsoever that whatever I end up doing that is successful will have been impacted by my plans for Famous Johnny's being cancelled.

How very many things in life that don't turn out the way you want have led to great things happening and wonderful things coming into your life? I can't tell you how many hundreds of stories I heard in my prosperity seminars and coaching sessions from people who were fired from jobs and then started their own more profitable and satisfying businesses--or found much better jobs. In fact, considering all this reality, it is quite amazing to me that people still have the fantasy fears that when small bad things happen it means a major setback or permanent negative results.

I guess these events led me to come up with my concept that unpleasant experiences and results in my life are merely temporary aberrations, while positive ones are part of the long term trend.

In terms of the larger world view, it takes the same pessimism that has people suffering over these small setbacks in their personal lives, to imagine that our current financial struggles will lead to the collapse of the U.S. dollar and demise of civilization as we know it, not to mention the End of Days so many people are predicting for next year.

Well, my life is going to keep getting better. I am more creatively engaged, productive, and excited right now that at any time in my life. The only downside I see to this is that I really don't have the time to count all my blessings, or taste all the things in life I am looking forward to tasting. But the solution to this is simple, I'm going to live a long, long time--and stay vital and healthy and creative---and, above all, keep my sense of humor.

One thing that is true about all the wonderful things we experience in life: they can be even more wonderful and we can share them with more people when we are prosperous. Do check out my prosperity blog for many new ideas on how to make this happen.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


So the whole concept of The Butterfly Effect started out with a short story back in 1952 by my old friend and mentor Ray Bradbury. It then inspired an MIT professor, mathematician, and meteorologist, Edward Norton Lorenz, one of the pioneers of chaos theory. When he couldn't think of an apt title for a talk before the American Association for The Advancement of Science in 1972, a colleague suggested, "Does The Flapping Of A Butterfly's Wings In Brazil Set Off A Tornado In Texas?"

This is often called The Butterfly Effect, or the ripple effect, and in the quirky way my mind and imagination work, I had the realization that I could have had an impact on the lives of the two most out-of-control shipwrecks in today's celebrity culture, Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan.

Here's my hypothesis, and it all starts with my very first girlfriend, Jane Gentry, in 1959. We dated for six months in Dover, Delaware, where I had gotten my first job at a small radio station and Jane's father was the station engineer as well as owning a TV repair shop. I was very very shy, a late bloomer who hadn't yet bloomed at nineteen--in other words, an awkward virgin. Whenever I walked Jane to her door after a date I went through the agony of not being able to kiss her goodnight. There was no kissing in my family, so I had little or no practice. Puckering up for the back of my hand just didn't seem to inspire any confidence. We stopped dating. But what if we hadn't? What if I were more experienced or confident and we fell in love and got married? In 1959 that sort of thing happened a lot.

One result would have been that Jane wouldn't have gone on five years later to meet and marry a man named Vince Polo and give birth to a future successful actress, Teri Polo, the star of Meet The Parents and all the sequels, and a number of other movies.
If Jane had become Jane Gentry Gillies instead of Jane Gentry Polo, the producers of those films would have had to find another young, attractive actress with some comedic talent. They may well have chosen Lindsay Lohan, and the stability of that repeating role, not to mention working with such icons as Robert De Niro, Dustin Hoffman, and Barbra Streisand, might have given her the emotional strength and satisfaction to avoid turning to drink and becoming a tabloid sensation and butt of so many late night comedians' jokes.

And is it so farfetched to imagine she might have met and fallen in love with another talented and troubled actor named Charlie Sheen, and that the stability of their relationship might have prevented him from going totally nuts.

Of course, if I had been less shy and more ready to commit, there may have been some collateral damage in saving these two lost souls. Think of all the papparazzi, reporters, bloggers, comedians, who might be unemployed as a result of losing two of their most notorious and dependable subjects.

So maybe it's better that my butterfly wings didn't flap in this situation.

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Monday, April 11, 2011


When I was in prison, one thing that ticked me off was how good behavior was no longer rewarded in any way. The practice of giving someone time off for good behavior no longer exists. But inmates with really bad behavior do get rewarded. They are feared and respected by fellow prisoners and guards alike. They often get into special programs or even special prisons where treatment is more individualized and the food usually better. The fear they generate also often gets them good prison jobs.

I thought all this would change once I got back into the world, but if anything it's worse out here. There always were some benefits to be had by being a bad boy or bad girl, but now it's reached heroic proportions. Charlie Sheen goes on a few rampages, abuses women, openly abuses drugs, and is offered two million dollars a week to play a disreputable character his real self makes like like a boy scout. And now he's filling stadiums with irrational rants that indicate some serious drug damage to his brain. These aren't audiences he's attracting, but enablers. Can't someone figure out how to help this poor out-of-control freak?

Lindsay Lohan, another former well-respected actress who has become a spectator sport. And there's the far less talented Paris Hilton, and overrated Britney Spears, and on and on, including all the felonious NFL and NBA players and steroid abusing baseball players, and adulterous or almost illiterate politicians, and crooked CEO's. When Rome fell, I wonder if they had anywhere close to the sheer numbers of malfeasants in high positions receiving public acclaim.

Now this spouting off is coming to you from a confirmed hedonist. I like my fun, and I even like the idea that there are so many great subjects for ridicule as I start a possible stand-up career. But, on the other hand, it is hard to make fun of someone already doing such stupid things as to make themselves a parody of themselves. Has any of the hundreds of Charlie Sheen comedy riffs or impressions come close to being as laughable as Charlie himself has become? Tiger blood, winning, and trolls indeed!

And I have nothing against excess, as long as it involves total consent and harms no one else physically or emotionally. I'm sort of sorry Hugh Hefner is the butt of so many jokes as an 84 year old man with a 24 year old fiancee, though I think many of the jokes are evoked by envy. Here's a guy who built an empire as an editor with an erotic sensibility, who is highly intelligent and literate, and built a large playpen for himself, the Playboy Mansion, filled it with interesting and entertaining and talented people, including lots of willingly naked ladies, and picks up the bill for all of it from money he legitimately and deservedly earned creating a magazine that, whatever you think of it, changed the culture forever. And to tell the truth, I wouldn't mind being made fun of if I were having such a good time at his age.

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Wednesday, April 6, 2011


So this is a new strategy I just invented and I wanted to share it right way, before I even hone and develop it further. This may be true for many of us, but I notice that when I keep putting off something, I usually feel disappointed in myself. I still try to adhere to famed time management guru John Lee's four Ds.
As I've written about before, he suggested there are four ways to deal with anything on your agenda: Do It, Drop It, Delay It, Delegate It.

And I've also talked about my Back Burner strategy in terms of delaying something. But now I've come up with this other form, Intentional Procrastination.

I found myself resisting calling an Internet superstar who has promised me several times that he would help promote my audio club. I don't want to seem like a pest, and I also am concerned that I might start railing at him for being out of the integrity he often professes. I actually tried to call his assistant yesterday but she was out, so rather than beating myself up for continuously postponing the inevitable confrontation, I have set next Wednesday as the day I will contact him no matter what.

This gives me some breathing room, time to assess exactly what I want to accomplish, and time to focus on coming to a successful conclusion. It's still putting something off, but this time with a deadline I am committed to meeting. And also committed to doing more effectively because of the extra time I'm giving myself. I'll let you know if this works.

My recent posts on my prosperity blog are among the most powerful articles I've ever written on the subject. And it's free, as is the download of my online book, The Moneylove Manifesto. Check it out at: