Apocalypse Day has come and gone.
Did you get your Rapture on?
The world's still here, sonofagun,
but we had some Rapture fun.
Did you dance like there's no tomorrow?
which might have been cause for sorrow.
But alas, it didn't come to pass,
Each doomsayer proved an ass.
So much for Mayan accuracy,
Do they think they're the GOP?
Lots of bargains at garage sales
as the sinners prepared to bail.
Maybe this was just a practice run,
With October or December the real fun.
If you're still ready to give up on life.
Please give me your house, and maybe your wife,
your bank account and young adult daughter,
so I can trade them for bottles of water,
and lots of canned food, including Spam
and then announce, "Prepared I am,"
For whatever survivalists and Mayans predict,
On whatever Apocalypse date they pick,
Dark chocolate will be filling my shelves
in case we're attacked by doomsday elves
Or a huge volcano decides to erupt,
or a giant hole opens up,
or the floods start to really flow
with no help from a modern Noah
How could he build another Ark
when he can't even find a place to park?
But now we're here another day
free to go on our merry way
Charlie Sheen will complete his collapse
And so will Donald Trump's synapse
Michelle Bachman will say something stupid
Hugh Hefner will keep worshipping Cupid
Arnold Schwarzeneggar will keep being wild
Perhaps fathering Lindsay Lohan's child.
And we can keep hugging everyone near,
Ahhh Shucks, the world's still here.
May 21, 2011
Mark 13:32 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."