MY ODE TO THE END THAT WASN'T

Apocalypse Day has come and gone.

Did you get your Rapture on?

The world's still here, sonofagun,

but we had some Rapture fun.

Did you dance like there's no tomorrow?

which might have been cause for sorrow.

But alas, it didn't come to pass,

Each doomsayer proved an ass.

So much for Mayan accuracy,

Do they think they're the GOP?

Lots of bargains at garage sales

as the sinners prepared to bail.

Maybe this was just a practice run,

With October or December the real fun.

If you're still ready to give up on life.

Please give me your house, and maybe your wife,

your bank account and young adult daughter,

so I can trade them for bottles of water,

and lots of canned food, including Spam

and then announce, "Prepared I am,"

For whatever survivalists and Mayans predict,

On whatever Apocalypse date they pick,

Dark chocolate will be filling my shelves

in case we're attacked by doomsday elves

Or a huge volcano decides to erupt,

or a giant hole opens up,

or the floods start to really flow

with no help from a modern Noah

How could he build another Ark

when he can't even find a place to park?

But now we're here another day

free to go on our merry way

Charlie Sheen will complete his collapse

And so will Donald Trump's synapse

Michelle Bachman will say something stupid

Hugh Hefner will keep worshipping Cupid

Arnold Schwarzeneggar will keep being wild

Perhaps fathering Lindsay Lohan's child.

And we can keep hugging everyone near,

Ahhh Shucks, the world's still here.

Jerry Gillies

May 21, 2011

P.S.

Mark 13:32 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."