Monday, December 19, 2011


We are living in revolutionary times. This is certainly reflected in the presidential campaigning going on. Sudden surges in popularity for Republican contenders are often based on provocative ideas advocated by the candidates. These include 999, abolishing several cabinet positions, getting rid of the Federal Reserve, ending all foreign aid, forcing poor kids to take jobs as janitors, etc. Obviously, each of these make sense to some voters, at least for a while. I think most of us being fed up with the dysfunctional status quo makes it easy to sell new ideas, even if they are outrageous or ridiculous. And who knows? Some of them might actually have good results.

So I decided to come up with my own 10-step revolutionary program of major change in the ways things are done. You may not agree with all of my ideas, but I think you would have to admit that they would produce a dramatically different world that just might be better than the one we now inhabit. Hold your breath, here we go:

1. Give mandatory polygraph tests to all political candidates with all results published.

2. Allow politicians to continue to raise billions of dollars, but instead of giving it to TV stations for political ads and other campaigning efforts, give it to citizens in exchange for their votes. This would reinvigorate our electoral system and guarantee much larger turnouts than we've had up to now.

3. Have all medical practitioners work on a tips-only basis. You would be paying them based on how healthy you got or stayed after their efforts.

4. Have anyone who intentionally tells lies about any member of government or any legislation or court decision, shot by firing squad.

5. Make annoying behavior a major crime. The harshest sentences, up to life in prison, would be reserved for telemarketers, people who use social media to try to sell you stuff, and any Internet marketers who bombard you with repetitious non-stop emails.

6. End all censorship of the arts, but institute large fines for anyone in any creative field who is boring to a majority of his or her audience.

7. Eliminate all nightly newscasts and replace them with the opening monologues of all the major talk shows, plus The Daily Show.

8. Ban any religion that teaches or preaches violence or intolerance against any other religion.

9. Instruct all potential suicide bombers that there is nothing so tedious, less fun, and more maddening than ending up with 72 virgins.

10. Give Jews and Muslims in the Middle East a one year deadline to resolve their differences. If they fail to do so, force them all to convert to the Quaker religion.

I call this The Jerry Plan, and if you agree, please distribute it wherever possible. Let's change the world together!

Happy Holidays,


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