CHEWING UP AND SPITTING OUT AN OLD COLD HOTDOG

Congressman Weiner was on a roll

until he suddenly fell down a hole.

Instead, he should have been on a bun,

not exposing his weird sense of fun.

The congressman from New York certainly has given punsters and comics (including me) a gift that keeps on giving. Us amateur psychologists could well ponder whether childhood teasing about his name led him to express suppressed anger in the form of that specific male body part, which he photographed and distributed to a number of women online.

Certainly, despite some apparently intelligent policy position papers (which I now suspect staffers wrote), the guy is definitely two or three condiments short of a good hotdog sandwich. Some of the evidence for this:

1. He went to a technical high school after failing by one point to gain admission to regular high school in Brooklyn.

2. He chose to chase media coverage relentlessly despite having an embarrassing fetish.

3. He used his real name.

4. He failed to understand the nature of the Internet, and particularly Facebook's almost non-existent privacy protection.

5. He made major denials when he knew there were at least six witnesses plus photographic evidence of his transgression.

6. He kept his own face on the photos, a face that only a mother could love, but anyone could recognize.

There's been lots of discussion lately about sex and politics amidst a number of such scandalous revelations. It is true that male politicians seem to have a sense of sexual entitlement. But I think it is more a sign of our still-repressed culture. They act like naughty little boys because in terms of sexual knowledge and maturity, they are little boys. Remember Bill Clinton? He made clumsy attempts at seduction that any grown woman would be likely to reject, or if dumb enough to accept, run straight to the tabloids and/or lawyers.

And then there are the self-righteous colleagues pointing their dirty fingers at the shame of it all. I suspect anyone who protests Weiner's actions too much. Also remember than many of Clinton's accusers, including Newt Gingrich, turned out to have much more serious marital transgressions going on.

My provocative solution for all this? Adopt the practice often observed in primitive cultures of having the tribe's elder women train boys in the arts of love and sex. Women are much more knowledgeable on this subject, and there are always more women surviving to a ripe old age than men--can anyone think of a better reason for this to be so?

I've learned over the years that the secret to success with women is to give them what they want--and that certainly isn't the kind of silly photos sent out by this sad congressman.

He used to be hot

but now he's cold

Let's hope the story

soon gets old

Weiner on a roll

Weiner on a bun

Came out too raw,

Now he's more than done.

Jerry

On a more serious note (but not too serious I hope), check out my prosperity blog at: http://www.MoneyloveBlog.com

PARTISANS OR SEDITIONISTS?

Let me say first of all that this comment is more speculation than declaration on my part. I'm not really in favor of any kind of censorship, and think Freedom of Speech is one of our most treasured bastions of liberty and justice for all. That being said, however, I am getting more and more concerned at the coarseness and scurrilous nature of attacks against the policies, especially the economic policies of the current U.S. administration. At this point in time, I am not certain whether Obama will be considered a good President or a bad one. Too many results of his policies are still to be played out. But the non-stop attacks from the opposition sometimes make me cringe.

Just this past weekend, on Fox News Sunday, Maybe/Maybe Not Republican candidate Sarah Palin used so many sinking ship analogies in her interview that it could have been a promotion trailer for Titanic. Not exactly words to inspire confidence in our foreign allies and creditors. When does appropriate criticism of a president by the opposition party cross the line into sedition? Well, the dictionary definition of sedition is speech or writing that incites discontent or rebellion. Does constant reference to the U.S. economy as being bankrupt, in collapse, or a sinking ship incite discontent? I certainly think there are fair criticisms of Obama's policies, and room for some alternative proposals, but the continuing avalanche of attacks that create lack of confidence in the markets and the world are hardly productive.

Check out this item from Wikipedia:

The Sedition Act of 1918 was an Act of the United States Congress signed into law by President Woodrow Wilson on May 16, 1918.^[1] It forbade the use of "disloyal, profane, scurrilous, or abusive language" about the United States government, its flag, or its armed forces or that caused others to view the American government or its institutions with contempt.

Disloyal, profane, scurrilous, or abusive language. If you have any doubts that political discourse has descended to these levels, check out Fox or talk radio or the blogosphere. The temporary Sedition Acts of 1798 put it this way:

That if any person shall write, print, utter. Or publish, or shall cause or procure to be written, printed, uttered or published, or shall knowingly and willingly assist or aid in writing, printing, uttering or publishing any false, scandalous and malicious writing or writings against the government of the United States, or either house of the Congress of the United States, or the President of the United States, with intent to defame the said government, or either house of the said Congress, or the said President, or to bring them. or either of them, into contempt or disrepute; or to excite against them, or either or any of them, the hatred of the good people of the United States, or to excite any unlawful combinations therein, for opposing or resisting any law of the United States, or any act of the President of the United States, done in pursuance of any such law, or of the powers in him vested by the constitution of the United States, or to resist, oppose, or defeat any such law or act, or to aid, encourage or abet any hostile designs of any foreign nation against the United States, their people or government, then such person, being thereof convicted before any court of the United States having jurisdiction thereof, shall be punished by a fine not exceeding two thousand dollars, and by imprisonment not exceeding two years

One man arrested under the 1918 act was one of the richest men in America, who held a patent on a new way of manufacturing barbed wire and held 75% of the barbed wire market, as well as being head of the Louisiana Railroad. William Edenborn was a German-born naturalized U.S. citizen who was accused of trying to calm American fears about the threat of Germany. The statement that got him in trouble seems pretty mild compared to some of the outrageous commentary from the right today:

There has been much talk about Germany coming over here and attacking the United States. We need have no fear that Germany will ever attack the United States. It would take a maritime nation to do that, because America is surrounded by water. America can look to other countries for any attacks in the future.

When does some of the current language rise to the level of the time-honored exception to Freedom of Speech, yelling "Fire" in a crowded theatre? I don't claim to have the answer, but I do think we need to ask the question.

Jerry

For a good news approach to matters financial, check out my prosperity blog: http://www.MoneyloveBlog.com

POLITICAL PRESCIENCE OR PROGNOSTICATION?

So here's my prediction: In 2012, Democrats will win back the House, and keep both the Presidency and the Senate. Time, and not much time at that, will tell whether I am prognosticating--just predicting what I think will happen, or being prescient, knowing how it will all turn out before the actual election.

Here's just a few of the reasons I have made this assessment:

1. The Paul Ryan plan, passed by House Republicans, to dramatically change the one thing 78% of Americans say they don't want changed, Medicare. It may be brave of Ryan to finally put entitlements on the table, but it was done with so little preparation, and as such an obvious pandering to Tea Partiers, that more Republicans are likely to lose their seats over having voted for it than Democrats did for backing Obamacare in the 2010 midterms.

2. By 2012, many Americans will see that some major Obama decisions, like rescuing General Motors and Chrysler, were brilliant successes. Chrysler has paid back its government loans with interest, and thousands of jobs were saved in both companies.

3. Like a tiny circus car disgorging its crowded passenger load of clowns, more and more ridiculous Republican comments will reveal the party to be in thrall to the most extreme aspects of its lunatic fringe. What a fun sitcom we could have starring Newt Gingrich, Donald Trump, Michelle Bachman, Sarah Palin, and Mitt Romney as the straight man (as in butt of jokes rather than sexual preference). I like Jay Leno's line that Republicans have certainly turned around from their old family oriented image with three-time married aspiring candidates like Trump, Gingrich, and Guliani--and Mitt Romney has only had one wife and he's the Mormon!

4. Since many, perhaps most, Americans are basically fair-minded, there will, I also predict, be a backlash against the unprecedented and often racially motivated attacks on Obama, including the insidious birther movement.

5. Republicans do tend to have political death wishes. How else to explain Newt's catastrophic first week, and his announcement that his third wife Calista will be a full partner on the campaign trail. And Pawlenty's railing against ethanol gas subsidies when he'd have to win Iowa to have a real shot at being nominated. And Mitt Romney's defending his Massachusetts precursor to Obamacare to Republican audiences.

6. Republicans with great popular support and reputations for honesty and competence, such as Chris Christie, Mitch Daniels, Haley Barbour, and Mike Huckabee, have been rushing for the exits. They are likely to be replaced by such quirky candidates as Bachman and Texas governor Rick Perry, whose main claim to fame is that he floated a trial balloon to have Texas secede from the U.S. Of course, there is Herman Cain, but I think after the dismal performance of Michael Steel as the first African-American GOP chairman, the party may be unwilling to support another person of color. And all those attacks on Obama as someone "not like us," "possibly born somewhere else," "uppity," indicate a deep well of anti-black feeling at the core of the party. After all, it has proudly worn the mantle of the party of the "White Rich Christian Guys." Besides, though he makes some good rhetorical points, the former CEO of Godfather Pizza has never been elected to anything, and candidates with no electoral experience whatsoever have never won a presidential nomination.

7. Obama, after some rocky times, is on an upswing and this is likely to continue over the next 18 months. All historical experience has shown that pessimism and cynicism are temporary events in the national mood.

8. Republicans have missed the boat, not capitalizing on their momentum from 2010, not figuring out how to take advantage of the populism of the Tea Party movement, or assimilate the Tea Party House members into the party fold. Lots of pandering, lots of missed opportunities, lots of cowardice in not confronting their extreme elements. Their time has passed, at least for this historical moment.

9. It seems commonsensible to presume that some of those tens of millions of uninsured Americans scheduled for coverage under Obamacare will vote for the man who finally delivered on the promise of healthcare for everyone. Also, there is Obama's core constituency of young adults under 26 who are now covered by their parents' medical insurance.

Of course, this is just my personal opinion and prediction after 50 years of observation, including 12 as a broadcast journalist. I promise I'll do a post after election day 2012, and either gloat or eat crow, depending on the outcome.

Jerry

While this blog focuses on everything from politics to humor to sex and relationships, my other blog is all about prosperity consciousness. Check it out at:

http://www.MoneyloveBlog.com

MY ODE TO THE END THAT WASN'T

Apocalypse Day has come and gone.

Did you get your Rapture on?

The world's still here, sonofagun,

but we had some Rapture fun.

Did you dance like there's no tomorrow?

which might have been cause for sorrow.

But alas, it didn't come to pass,

Each doomsayer proved an ass.

So much for Mayan accuracy,

Do they think they're the GOP?

Lots of bargains at garage sales

as the sinners prepared to bail.

Maybe this was just a practice run,

With October or December the real fun.

If you're still ready to give up on life.

Please give me your house, and maybe your wife,

your bank account and young adult daughter,

so I can trade them for bottles of water,

and lots of canned food, including Spam

and then announce, "Prepared I am,"

For whatever survivalists and Mayans predict,

On whatever Apocalypse date they pick,

Dark chocolate will be filling my shelves

in case we're attacked by doomsday elves

Or a huge volcano decides to erupt,

or a giant hole opens up,

or the floods start to really flow

with no help from a modern Noah

How could he build another Ark

when he can't even find a place to park?

But now we're here another day

free to go on our merry way

Charlie Sheen will complete his collapse

And so will Donald Trump's synapse

Michelle Bachman will say something stupid

Hugh Hefner will keep worshipping Cupid

Arnold Schwarzeneggar will keep being wild

Perhaps fathering Lindsay Lohan's child.

And we can keep hugging everyone near,

Ahhh Shucks, the world's still here.

Jerry Gillies

May 21, 2011

P.S.

Mark 13:32 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."

IMMIGRATION REFORM FOR YOUR MIND

So here's my brand new rule:

Any entrepreneur, marketing guru, newsletter publisher, seller of coaching, courses, books or audios who emails me more than once a week is going to be either unsubscribed or automatically deleted without opening--forevermore.

Why? Because we all need to have the same comprehensive immigration plan many are advocating for the U.S. government. We need to figure out what to do with the tons of information that has already come in, and ways of being selective about what is bombarding our minds on a daily, make that hourly basis. We need to set up borders and border controls. And you get to decide what kind of control you want to assert, but you need to stop leaving it up to others to decide for you.

Tighter border security is a must. Too much useless, time-consuming, repetitious, and deceptive material is inundating our emails and our brains. I'm been campaigning for a long time on the need for all of us to exercise more selectivity, discrimination, and wisdom in deciding what we let in.

I also have been have been eliminating old emails from my files. Most marketing programs and internet gurus and ebook and webinar producers get my alternate email address, and in just a few months, I had built up a collection of 11,000 unread emails. True, some might have interesting or entertaining or even useful information. But I don't have a staff to go through them all, and can't see a window to do so considering how much new stuff is constantly flowing in. So I adopted another rule that says anything I haven't opened or done anything about in ninety days gets deleted. And I started off this new immigration policy by deleting all 11,000 emails from that address. What a freeing, uplifting message I now get:

There are no emails in your Inbox folder

Most of all I'm excited that I now have room for the really important, joyful, wonderful stuff.

I have friends who are imprisoned by the sheer glut of their email Inboxes. One told me she hadn't read one of my emails that had some time relevant information I knew she wanted and needed--she was three weeks behind in opening any emails at all. So a new mantra in this regard might be:

GUT THE GLUT!

Jerry

Check out my prosperity blog at:

http://www.MoneyloveBlog.com

TURNING POINTS

I don't know how interesting it is to anyone else, but right now my life is the most fascinating it's ever been for me. Probably this is because I'm in a period of turning points--activities and events and projects that could lead me in any number of different directions. We all have these, and I believe the best way to experience them is to be as open as possible to all that is possible.

In some ways, I feel like I felt in my 20s and 30s, where all things were possible and I felt I was doing exactly what I should be doing in the moment, but wasn't quite sure where it would all lead. I recently saw several reports on the new research that says people reach their greatest level of happiness and joy in their eighties. I think I would have scoffed at that in my 30s and 40s, but don't now.

If we're lucky, I think we do learn how to savor life more, how to appreciate the good things, minimize the bad, and take it all in with a smile in our hearts. Mostly, I feel more creative and productive than I did thirty years ago. "Grow" is the operative word here in "growing older."

I suppose part of this is that I am in areas of endeavor that age well, mostly to do with writing and reflective thinking. And there are results from these endeavors that let me know I am not being delusional in thinking all this.

For instance, a few days ago I got an email from one of the cartoonists I started writing cartoon gags for in the early days of my incarceration. Roy Delgado told me Readers Digest had approached him about doing some animal cartoons, and he asked if I could come up with a few to send him, so he could draw up ones he liked, and then submit them to the magazine. I amazed myself by producing 26 animal gags in less than an hour. Roy liked 8 of them. And I now get the pleasure of anticipating how he will illustrate these, and how Readers Digest will respond, and eventually the possibility of their buying some, thus earning a modest fee. One of my favorites I already posted on Facebook, and may even use in another potential career choice/change: stand-up comedy:

SCENE: A man speaks to his wife as he comes home carrying a gecko in a pet carrier.

CAPTION: "Would you believe GEICO won't insure our gecko?"

In addition to writing several posts a week for my two blogs, coming up with mostly new ideas on prosperity for my Moneylove Club monthly audio series, writing cartoons, stand-up, and outlining episodes I want to include in my future one man show, I am looking at exactly what kind of public talks and seminars I want to present when I am off parole later this year and can get a passport and travel beyond California for the first time in fifteen years. There is no doubt this creative multitasking is possible because of all the meditating and inner work I did while in prison.

I see this cornucopia of turning points in my life as an amazing opportunity to have the next segment be more fulfilling and more fun than any that preceded it. Of course this involves some diligence on my part--making sure I don't try to focus on more things than I can handle at any one time.

For right now, I am in a preparatory phase--checking out my skills and talents in several arenas, getting ready to explore more, and acting as my own air traffic controller for all the ideas flying about in my consciousness. As these evolve, I will decide where to focus and put my major energy. Serving me well then will be my Ninety Day Trial Period strategy. This is giving myself one major project for ninety days. And then deciding whether to stick with it or move to something else, based on results.

As I contemplate all these potential turning points in my life, I also am aware of a Big Truth that has been reaffirmed many times in my past. If I stay open and aware, I may end up on a path I can't begin to imagine right now--something totally different from all the areas I am now considering and exploring.

It's actually satisfying and invigorating for me to wake up each morning not only with robust expectations, but with no idea of what I will be doing a year from now. Or where I will be doing it, or whom I might be doing it with. Oh, there are some clues, but like in any good mystery, there could really be some major twists and turns in the story.

Jerry

My other blog focuses on prosperity, so check it out.

http://www.MoneyloveBlog.com

WORLD LAUGHTER DAY!

So the cartoon shows an airport security post with one guard speaking to another as a beautiful woman in a medieval gown is ready to go through the archway. "She wants to know if she has to remove her chastity belt to go through?"

Hurray! It's World Laughter Day, which is designated as the first Sunday in May each year. This one is the best one of my life by far. I am now involved in three vocations/avocations designed to promote laughter among the masses--or even the select group of chosen ones who read this blog.

If you're a regular visitor here, you know I've been writing cartoon gags for years. I started as a young disc jockey for a part-time activity to occupy myself during commercial breaks. Coming up with a description of the cartoon, and the caption, submitting it to a magazine cartoonists, having them draw up the ones they selected, then send them to magazines for possible acceptance, and hopefully receiving a 25% share of the fee because they were sold. After many years of writing books and doing seminars, I got back to this gagwriting activity while in prison, doing a number of the Howard Huge gags for PARADE magazine, plus cartoon gags that eventually appeared in Saturday Evening Post, Playboy, Wall St. Journal, Harvard Business Review, etc.

Just recently, I've been focused on writing and performing some stand-up comedy, such as:

What does an atheist text instead of OMG?

Dogs now have their own Social Network called ButtBook.com

My girlfriend asked me the other night, after a bout of passionate lovemaking, "Was it good for you?" I said, "It must have been, it didn't even wake me up."

Computers are making newspapers obsolete. Unfortunately, it's very expensive laying a bunch of iPads on the floor to housebreak your dog.

Well, I didn't say I was the world's greatest stand-up comedian or comedy writer, but as a fledgling, I'm quite satisfied with the laughs I get.

Finally, I am fulfilling a longtime aspiration by working on writing and performing a one man theatre piece, which would be funny and serious reflections on my life, including my 12 years in prison, 2 years traveling with a girlfriend in a motorhome, 3 years living in a sex commune, 12 years as a broadcast journalist, and 25 years as a workshop leader and motivational speaker and author of six self-help books. My main task will be editing it all down from its current 47 hour performing length.

I've accelerated my plans for the one man show as a result of discovering the Marsh, two theaters--one in San Francisco and one in Berkeley--that develop, nurture, and present solo performances. I'm taking an eight week class starting in June with the highly acclaimed performer, director, and teacher, Charlie Varon. This will culminate in a twenty minute solo performance one evening at the SF venue. And this should give me an idea if my life is interesting enough to sustain an entire evening's entertainment the way I remember it, write it, and perform it.

http://www.CharlieVaron.com

http://www.TheMarsh.org

So what can you do to celebrate World Laughter Day? CDs and videos of my shows are not available yet (check in 2012), but there's an awful lot of funny stuff online.

You could do worse (a lot worse) than the following three sites nominated for a Webby award as best humor websites this year:

http://www.FunnyOrDie.com

http://www.CollegeHumor.com

http://www.TheOnion.com

Also, a site I was introduced to by friend, Richie Levine, who often performs on it, and always makes me smile or giggle:

http://www.OldJewsTellingJokes.com

Here's hoping your World Laughter Day goes on all year. Remember:

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you get your own reality TV show."

Jerry

On a more serious note, check out my other blog, focused on prosperity:

http://www.MoneyloveBlog.com